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Relatively speaking, the "date" part of a first date is the easy stuff. It's the post-date communication that is so hard to figure out. David Ezell, the clinical director of Darien Wellness , a counseling and mental wellness group in Connecticut, conducts dating workshops and told me that "the topic of texting has risen sharply over the past five years.

Ezell continued, "Dating is as much a sales game as anything. So, what do you say, and how do you text after the first date? You need to be aware that there is no set formula or exact science, because there is an infinite amount of first date scenarios. And no, you are not the only one with anxiety over what texts to send after an initial date. If the date was great and you want a second, you can carefully craft your communication in cute fashion.

If it was awful but you don't want to be ignorant and not respond, you can still let 'em down easy. You can also get to date two even if date one was "meh" based on calculated post-date transmissions. Here are the perfect texts to send after the first date, depending on how well things went. Justin Lavelle of PeopleLooker. Lavelle told me, "Who knows? It might lead to a little text flirting that can be fun and a perfect cap to the evening!

When the first date is amazing and you want to see him or her again but don't want to seem too eager, it is essential to play it safe and express your excitement without going overboard and scaring the other person away with your zealousness. Comedian Billy Procida, host of The Manwhore Podcast , which tackles issues of dating, sexuality, and relationships, admitted to me, "I hate the 'playing it cool' tactic.

If you're excited, then seem excited! You can seem excited and not like a crazypants. So, to play it safe, keep it short. He finished, "If you can express the entire date in emojis, do it. End with a happy girl or boy emoji followed with some hands in the air. Yes, that Procida-penned text is cute and cheesy.

But it's also incredibly effective for scenarios in which the date was totally awesome and you want to express it in a sassy and original way that shows off more of your personality. If someone sent me that text, I'd so be game for date No. If the bank metaphor isn't quite working for you, you can try something with a similar start and finish. When the first date is good but you don't want to dive right in or appear overly interested because you are easing back into dating, or because you aren't looking for something too serious yet, Procida recommends suggesting an afternoon meet up for the second date and for very specific reasons.

If the first date was awkward — which so many are — but not disastrous, it's fine to remain optimistic. If you want to see the other person again but can't tell if he or she shares your feelings, Procida thinks honesty is the best policy. I'm all for putting cards on the table. When the first date was amazing but you want to pace yourself, this short but sweet text is the best way keep the other person interested, according to Melissa Divaris Thompson, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in New York City.

The note shows the recipient that you are in-demand and have a life outside of your romantic relationships, potential or otherwise. It also puts some time and space between the first date and gives you both something to look forward to, since you've clearly set the table for another meet up.

Even if it was a good-but-not-great first date, you can still see both potential and value in a second date. If you are willing to give it another go, you can try and mix it up to get a better result and attempt to get to know each other more. Thompson told me you don't want to be overly complimentary or put off. You can and should play the middle.

She noted, "Keeping texts simple is a rule. You want to communicate just enough, but not so that people are reading into what you are trying to say.

Strive for being as clear, concise, and honest as feels appropriate. Dating and relationships expert Alison Blackman recommends mentioning a specific activity you may have discussed while on the first date as grounds to generate a second if you really dig the other person.

If you talked about seeing the latest Marvel movie, bring it up and use it as a launch pad to turn the shared desire to see a film into the reason to see each other again. It's also a subtle way to demonstrate to the other person that you have been thinking about them and the prior outing. It shows you were paying attention and may have shared passions and interests, which could lead to a third, fourth, or fifth date.

Davis offered this short, sexy, and subtext-free transmission as a wonderful way to put a period on the end of the sentence that was your date. If the time together was wonderful and leaves you with butterflies, why not share it with the person who is causing you to have that tickle in your tummy?

That means sparks flew and you'll never know if he or she felt the same unless you put it out there. It could also lead to a little sexting, and what's the harm in that? It's entirely up to you and your gut feeling whether or not that's moving way too fast.

If it was a fab debut date and you are already crushing, it's time to hit the flirt button. Davis told me, "Remember to flirt! If you don't flirt, they might not get the hint that you're interested. But you don't want to come off chilly or disinterested, either. So, be flirtatious with a sexy text like the one suggested above. It's just the right mix of playful, naughty, and adorable.

Jennifer Seiter, co-owner and relationship therapist for Ex Boyfriend Recovery , pointed out that an ego boost, combined with letting him know you want a second date in a lighthearted way, can be doubly packaged into a text like this. Obviously, you can tailor the transmission to whatever you did on the date — bowling, a movie, ice skating, dinner, attending a baseball game, miniature golfing, or dancing — all the while recommending a rematch of sorts!

Davis concurred, "If you do want to go on another date, be flirty and generous and say, 'Hey we should try that again; this time I'll buy. If you can't tell how he or she felt about the date or about you, this complimentary text can help you get a better read on them, all the while being clear about what you think and felt. It's a subtle, psychological tactic, but it could and should work in your favor as long as you send it out into the textverse with confidence.

Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist , recommended pointing out something about the date that was good when you want to see someone again without seeming excessively eager. This brings the best part of the date to the forefront of the other person's mind.

Lavelle also advocates for this texting tactic. Whether the date was terrific or just OK, Needle suggested being blunt and cute with a text like this if you are looking for that decidedly less awkward second date with this person. It acknowledges the innately awkward nature of the first date, which Procida also advocates doing, and shows that you are well aware of it. It's also incredibly, but not disarmingly, direct.

It lets your potential mate know exactly where you stand. Why beat around the bush? A post-date message of thanks goes a long way and keeps communication going to plan that second outing. Daniels also recommended connecting the dots for the other person for the second date by suggesting it, all the while leaving it up to them to lock it down.

She told me, "If you want to see them again, a compliment plus a suggestion about a related activity will do wonders to solidify a second date. Let them be the one to pursue the second date plans, though.

While you might argue that there is no reason to send a text if the first date was a bomb, you can still be a polite human being. If this crappy, dud of a first date ended on a positive note, with both of you promising to keep in touch because you are both cool people with common interests even though you don't want to pursue romance , you can say this to soften the blow.

Rejection is awkward, as Thompson pointed out. But if you want to keep in contact, here's how to convey that without leading the other person on about the dating stuff.

These are some of the general golden rules of post-first date texts. Blackman pointed out that it's totally acceptable to not text if a date was bad. Needle also recommended a more direct communication method — real, live conversation without relying on a smart phone.

But if you have misread it and you were the only one having a good time, and your enthusiastic texts are met with silence or a cool response, accept that message," Lavelle told me.

Politeness is also key. Always drop a "Thank you for a great evening! Texts to send after a first date. My schedule is pretty tight the next couple of weeks. Can you do an afternoon this week? You helped me end a long day on a good note! I'd really like to see you again if you're up for it? Can we get together next week?

Great job with all of those strikes. I am going to practice so next time I actually have a chance to beat you. I think you would love the lattes at Not sure if this would even interest you but wanted to put it out there.

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Dating Differences Between America and Japan

You seem like you are not the most friendly of people! You guys should know. You fail to grasp that everyone experiences the country differently, and thus, on a personal level, there are going to be many different people that have many different experiences that all make up the real Japan that you are talking about. Me and my boyfriend have been dating from a long time and i am so happy with him as he treats me like a princesses.

I found him while online dating and i am really happy with him. Makes you want to shower her with time and attention ,take her places,because you KNOW that she is interested and not playing games! I agree that there are great differences between Japanese and American ways of doing things.

In each situation, there is an unspoken understanding dictating how to act and how to proceed, and the Japanese people are very compared to Americans nervous about not acting properly in the given situation. In America, the better you communicate with your partner, the better the relationship will go. Which is why I dont generally date American women. They either want a perfect gentleman or hate them and you never know until its too late… I will say this. When I was in Japan, the Japanese males I saw treating women very well were all taken….

Konnichiwa, My name is Johnny. I gained alot of insight from your article. I cannot wait to go to Japan. I am into the building of old style, rigid, choppers. The buildings and history, I cant wait. Just began learning Japanese. Anyway, I would love to meet an amazing woman from there, I just dont plan on giving up my citizenship.

People have done worse, for love though. Your article was so awsome. I know alot more now. From my experience, American girls expected me to pay and to be asked out.

As far as marriage goes, once you get married, you never date other people. Why get married in the first place? American girls are much more forward and direct, from my experience, and more physically active in terms of being sexually forward. That being said though, America women love playing hard to get. My ex wife is Japanese and dating her in America, after she had lived in America for a few years, was different from the normal experience.

I told her first, verbally, then she told me. She was more Westernized though, so she was more receptive to the dating culture. We were both in college, so we were both broke for the most part, haha. Japanese women that have dated other Western men tend to be more open and honest and Japanese women that have never dated a Westerner tend to be more reserved.

More reserved in general life and in the bedroom. One super confusing thing though with Japanese women, in Japan, is that they are super nice to you. Here, single and married women, will be super nice to you and have no romantic feelings behind their actions.

Every time a woman cooked for me in the USA family aside , they were always interested in me, or we were dating. I think its simply adorable that a woman would send me a message confessing her interest. I am a SoCal native and have also lived in a Japan. On the surface all Japanese girls seem to be the same—polite, a little shy, stylish, and easy to get along with. She said there are different boyfriends who fit the following categories: I never questioned other Japanese girls that I dated which category I was in, rather I just enjoyed their company and the experience.

BTW, I always paid for the dates. I have heard this as well but I really only dated one Japanese woman before, my ex wife, so I dont really know. I do like the fact that Japanese women let you know how they feel and usually dont play stupid games…. I think we are definitely more complicated underneath.. Hi Mieko, I was talking about the beginning of dating.. I used to pay most of our expenses for my boyfriend in the past and we cover equally and these days he picks up much more as things are better.

But actually my experience with American guys asking me to pay at least here in Hawaii was often not too far into the relationship. As in, we were still in the dating phase and not officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. But also, they ended up being not good guys…. Lol so I guess that is why.

From the sounds of it, Japanese people have a saner policy when it comes to financing dates. Equality is a two-way street people. Hi Samuel, I agree with you on the principle, sex equality should apply to more than a few aspects of life. Seeing the Japanese society as a pretty conservative one, I took for granted mea culpa on this one that I was expected to pay, and never really challenged this idea.

You are right, women expect to be treated the same as men on many levels and yet stick to the traditional value when it suits them. What about guys perceptions of dating girls from both countries, I have that experience and its interesting to say the least! Los Angeles was very interesting, rather crazy…not so in a good way. It seems a lot of games are involved but men that I know and they are originally from midwest or east coast.. How can this be so complicated.. Yes It is very complicated and unfortunately cultures do not play a huge role and justify certain things we do.

I think your analysis on dating culture in Japan and the US is overgeneralized and overly simplified based only on your lack of experience within the dating scene. In Japan, its pretty much the same as the US. It really depends on the couple and the progression of their relationship. Likewise in the States, the relationship can start as a friendship could quickly or slowly progress in to relationship. American cultural thing as you suggest, but more of the dynamics of the relationship and personalities of the individuals involved.

In my experience, whether I paid or not really depended on my personal finances, whether or not I liked the person I was dating, our relationship status just friends or really dating , or simply who asked whom out. Being somewhat old fashioned, I usually preferred picking up the tab regardless of the above mentioned circumstances, but there have been instances when my date picked up the tab instead, and it had nothing to do with whether my date was Japanese or American, or which country I was in.

Again, this kind only happens in dramas or on school grounds nowadays. You really need to learn that dating is not that simple anymore. Just my 2 yen. So it seems to me that the start of relationship is much more well defined in Japan. I might not have articulated that in details in my article but there are significant differences between Japanese and American dating culture.. Unfortunately I have very limited dating experiences back home as I moved to California right after high school.

Men do have to pick up checks here. Job then family instead of just family. I am an american guy, with a bit of Japanese blood but I am really just american. I believe in a strict code of chivalry. For some reason those things are hard to come by in an american relationship until either late college or after college.

So as far as the gentlemen rule goes. Its very rare to find a guy like that in america. Who is real and is not just wearing the chivalry to get the girl in bed. As for me, I ended up accidentally being alone with the girl I liked one night in the city canal walk ways. I didnt actually say anything though. I said yes of course and that was my confession. And even though I insist, to this day she still insists on paying for her meals and its actually quite nice.

Also for those of you like me and for some reason you just want to date a Japanese girl. As long as you love that person truly at the end of the day it doesnt matter how or what drove you to that person. Same the other way around. Just dont expect them to be your Kawaii asian school girl because thats just creepy.

This is why I have been apprehensive about dating.. You have mentioned Games a few times in your replies to comments, so I thought you might be interested in the book….

Forty years ago, Games People Play revolutionized our understanding of what really goes on during our most basic social interactions. More than five million copies later, Dr. This anniversary edition features a new introduction by Dr.

We play games all the time—sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, and competitive games with our friends. Berne exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers that rule our intimate lives. Explosive when it first appeared, Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. I had the opposite experience. With American guys, if you offer they take you up on it.

This can of course vary depending on the individual. I also doubt that women in Japan regularly ask guys out. Talking to my friends, the number of women who ask men out on dates is quite small. I wonder if the author is mainly speaking if her experiences in junior high or high school, which is of course quite different from dating as an adult. Yup I am talking about dating differences among young people teenagers, 20s in the US and Japan. I am not sure why that is but American women whom I know seem to wait and throw hints but they are hesitant to ask men out.

Japanese guys may offer to pay if you are a foreign girl.. They probably offer to open the doors too.. In short, many men that I knew back in LA young men of course were jerks. Hmm, allow me to help fill in some gaps. Men were to be charming, polite, intelligent, and women under a similar code were to be polite, ladylike, and more from both sides. After interviewing hundreds of singles, I can scientifically confirm that this is total bullshit.

A website called Straight White Boys Texting has become a hub for women to submit the horrifying and often hilarious texts that guys have sent them. This gentleman wastes no time. The mistakes people make are not always so egregious.

However, seeing it from the other side is eye-opening. When your phone is filled with that stuff, generic messages come off as super dull and lazy. Another form, which is especially common among the younger gentlemen out there, emerges when a dude is just too shy to actually ask the other person to do something.

Instead of Even when not negotiating times and places, people can exchange meaningless texts ad nauseam. Not all guys are bozos. We also found some really great texts that gave me hope for the modern man. While a phone call may be great, the advantage of texting is that it can allow a guy or girl to craft a great, thoughtful message that can build attraction.

We were also able to spot three specific traits these successful texts shared:. I figured he was just too drunk to remember. After I confronted him about this, he said that he called me Audrey because I told him that I looked up to Audrey Hepburn. It was actually pretty sweet. A few months after the Tanya situation, I ran into her again. Apparently at the time she was questioning her entire sexual identity and was trying to figure out if she was a lesbian.

We ended up hooking up that night, and this time she said there would be no games. I texted her a few days later to follow up on this plan. This was the moment of truth. And there was no response from Tanya. A few more minutes go by and … nothing. Lavelle told me, "Who knows? It might lead to a little text flirting that can be fun and a perfect cap to the evening! When the first date is amazing and you want to see him or her again but don't want to seem too eager, it is essential to play it safe and express your excitement without going overboard and scaring the other person away with your zealousness.

Comedian Billy Procida, host of The Manwhore Podcast , which tackles issues of dating, sexuality, and relationships, admitted to me, "I hate the 'playing it cool' tactic. If you're excited, then seem excited! You can seem excited and not like a crazypants. So, to play it safe, keep it short. He finished, "If you can express the entire date in emojis, do it. End with a happy girl or boy emoji followed with some hands in the air.

Yes, that Procida-penned text is cute and cheesy. But it's also incredibly effective for scenarios in which the date was totally awesome and you want to express it in a sassy and original way that shows off more of your personality. If someone sent me that text, I'd so be game for date No. If the bank metaphor isn't quite working for you, you can try something with a similar start and finish.

When the first date is good but you don't want to dive right in or appear overly interested because you are easing back into dating, or because you aren't looking for something too serious yet, Procida recommends suggesting an afternoon meet up for the second date and for very specific reasons. If the first date was awkward — which so many are — but not disastrous, it's fine to remain optimistic.

If you want to see the other person again but can't tell if he or she shares your feelings, Procida thinks honesty is the best policy.

I'm all for putting cards on the table. When the first date was amazing but you want to pace yourself, this short but sweet text is the best way keep the other person interested, according to Melissa Divaris Thompson, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in New York City.

The note shows the recipient that you are in-demand and have a life outside of your romantic relationships, potential or otherwise. It also puts some time and space between the first date and gives you both something to look forward to, since you've clearly set the table for another meet up.

Even if it was a good-but-not-great first date, you can still see both potential and value in a second date. If you are willing to give it another go, you can try and mix it up to get a better result and attempt to get to know each other more. Thompson told me you don't want to be overly complimentary or put off. You can and should play the middle. She noted, "Keeping texts simple is a rule. You want to communicate just enough, but not so that people are reading into what you are trying to say.

Strive for being as clear, concise, and honest as feels appropriate. Dating and relationships expert Alison Blackman recommends mentioning a specific activity you may have discussed while on the first date as grounds to generate a second if you really dig the other person. If you talked about seeing the latest Marvel movie, bring it up and use it as a launch pad to turn the shared desire to see a film into the reason to see each other again.

It's also a subtle way to demonstrate to the other person that you have been thinking about them and the prior outing.

First, try refreshing the page and clicking Current Location again. . Best fun things to do on date night in Oklahoma City, OK . experience and honestly someone got hurt real bad and thought it wasn't funny at all but read more if your bored and just want something to do for a date, a girls night out or just a solo outing. Don't Have Sex – Ok, here is the reality: some (but definitely not all) men are I' ve often been in an unstable place in my life (moving to a new city, A lot of solid guys aren't sexually aggressive on the first date, Image of woman and man on a bench courtesy of Shutterstock .. Bad Behavior Made OK. This guide focuses on local things that people can only do in Oklahoma City, For more date ideas throughout the year, follow Uncovering Oklahoma on The place is cooler than what people may first assume, especially with their Western Town. .. festival celebrating art, movies, and music created by women and girls.