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It was very gorgeous for the Municipio appeared in splendid gondolas hung with streamers and emblems and rowed by 8 gondoliers in fancy dresses of different colours. About 3 the Hohenzollern steamed in through the Lido port, a magnificent great white ship with all the sailors dressed in white and standing in lines upon the deck. The guns fired, the ships in the harbour saluted and all the people cheered. The Hohenzollern anchored nearly opposite the Piazzetta and we saw the King and Queen and a crowd of splendid officers Come up in a steam launch all hung with blue.
They went on board the Hohenzollern and presently we saw them all go away again with the Emperor and his two little boys. We were much amused, and for magnificence there never was anything like a festa with the Ducal Palace for background. It was a very imperial way of arriving to steam up in your gorgeous white ship. I only wished it had not been that Particular emperor we were welcoming. Green and I went out in a gondola and saw the sun set behind the Euganean Hills.
Caroline [Grosvenor] is a delightful companion-we are particularly happy. I had a real busy morning and settled all my summer clothes and ordered a gown at Mrs. I hope it will be ready before you come as I should like you to pronounce upon it. Tomorrow I intend to spend an hour or two over my Hafiz things and get them all straight. I went to the British Museum on my bicycle this morning.
It adds a great joy to my studies and I feel all the brisker for it. The children have had a tennis court marked in the square. I am just going out to see! They are looking blooming and are such angels! However we will try not to be too foolish about our family.
I was invited to Lady Lockwood's dance but I really couldn't be bothered to hunt up a chaperon and go to it. About the children's flower gowns--we finally decided that the cheapest and best thing we could do was to trim the gowns with field flowers artificial of course , buttercups daisies and forget-me-nots.
We have cut a sort of ruche of tulle round the bottom of the skirt with little bunches of flowers tucked into it, and hung flowers from the neck and from the waist in little streams--on the whole I think this plan has made as much show as possible for as little money and the dresses look quite charming. I hope I've done right about it.
The children were extremely anxious to have their gowns very flowery. We had a very merry dinner and started out about ten, along the embankment, the Strand and through the City to the Tower Bridge, then home by Holborn Viaduct and oxford Street.
The Strand was pretty full but the City quite empty, all brilliantly lighted and the asphalt pavement excellent good going. It was a delicious night with a little moon and I enjoyed it extremely. We went back to supper with the Tyrrells and I was not in till 1: However I went off after breakfast to the Museum where I asked for a book they' hadn't got! It is rather funny that I should have exhausted the whole British Museum in a fortnight, but it's also a bore, for I wanted a nice French translation and now I shall have to fall back on the original Persian which they have.
I have told Lizzie about the bonnet and cloak so you will find them ready. Our party last night was a great success, the babies looked charming. I was much complimented upon their appearance. It was most amusing being a chaperon. I sat on a bench and watched them dancing round and knew just what you felt like at Oxford.
I think I got at the meaning of it with the help of a Persian dictionary, but a Latin translation is not so clear to me as it might be. Audley Square was amusing. I am going down to Caroline in Kent for Whitsuntide. I want to bicycle down on Saturday if I can get an escort, it's only 17 miles, and send my luggage by train. London is beginning to feel very Whitsuntidy. Beatrice Clementi came to see me this afternoon just before I went out.
She is to be married in November. It is very close here and has been raining a good deal think of ordering a tasteful costume for Ascot consisting of a short skirt, a waterproof and a large umbrella. Florence and I arranged the flowers at 95 and did the dinner table at 90 most elegantly--I dine there to-night.
Then I had a long talk with Auntie Mary, who seems very brisk and well. I took Florence with me to try on my gown and we walked together in the Square until a storm of rain came on and drove us in.
Auntie Maisie asks me to dine with her Friday and go to a ball, and Maurice is to come to dinner if she can possibly find a place for him, and at any rate to come in directly after dinner and go to the ball too.
We have had a most delightful day. We started about He had a Carpenter niece with him. Then we went back and saw all the races over the railing of the Royal enclosure, which is just opposite the winning post. The family had small bets on, mostly unsuccessful I didn't bet, I need not say. At the end of all we had tea in the Guards' tent and came home very comfortably, getting in about 7: I am going again to-morrow.
My gown was a dream and was much admired. I am going this evening with Auntie Mary and Florence and the Johnsons to sit out of doors in the Imperial Institute and listen to the band-rather nice as it is very hot. Florence and I did amuse ourselves so much! What a dear Lord Granville is. Thank you very much for your letter and will you thank the little girls for me, I have no time to write to them to-day. Hugo came up in great form and we started off to Lord's together, but on the way discovered that he had lost the blue tassel on his umbrella, which saddened us dreadfully!
So we tried in many shops to get one, and failed alas! However we were Comforted at Lord's when we saw that many many Eton boys had no tassel! We had the most excellent places, we carried our lunch with us and supplemented it with green-gages, after eating which we both made fervent wishes as they were the first we had eaten this year. I asked Hugo what he had wished, to which he replied, "Why I wished Eton might win--what in the world is there to wish for besides?
He was such a darling! I saw Heinemann this morning. He was extremely pleasant. I told him a lot about the book and he expressed a desire to see it. So at any rate it will have a reading. I shall send him the poems and preface from Berlin, Mr. Strong cannot come to town and has not yet finished the preface. Her first letter is sent from the station at York. I can't conceive what I am doing in this station, nor why I am going away.
I wish I were stopping quietly at home. All sorts of smart people on this platform! One begins to realise what the world is like when one gets to York, doesn't one. Never mind, I'll be smart too presently! The reason why I had not sent the poems to H.
Strong has not yet sent me back the preface. I hope I may get it by the next bag. Meantime I have sent the 30 poems with their notes to H. It was a very fine show. We drove to the Schloss in the glass coach and were saluted by the guard when we arrived. We felt very swell! Then we waited for a long time with all the other dips. We all hastily arranged one another's trains and marched in procession while the band played the march out of Lohengrin. The Emperor and Empress were standing on a dais at the end of the room and we walked through a sort of passage made by rows and rows of pages dressed in pink.
She introduced me and then stood aside while I made two curtseys. The Princess Frederic Leopold's ladies asked when I was going to be introduced to her. We have been skating all the afternoon with surprising energy, A very ridiculous thing happened-I had retired into a secluded corner and put my muff down to make a centre round which to skate a figure, when suddenly I was aware of a short fat German gentleman arriving into the middle of my figure on his back.
He picked up my muff and himself and handed them both to me, so to speak, with a low bow. We propose if the frost lasts making a big party, sledging down to Potsdam and skating there. I hope it will come off, it Would be very amusing. A great 'Probe' at the Kaiserhof to which all the people who were going to dance at the Court Ball came. After the lesson was over there were a couple of waltzes, so I offed with my coat and danced too. There is a rather nice sort of variant of the 'pas de quatre' which they call the 'pas de patineur' which I quickly learnt.
Accordingly we went off by ourselves and sat very comfortably with Countess Keller in the second row of chairs-no one might sit in the front row even when the royalties were not in the box.
All the Embassy and a lot of the Court people were with us, the Emperor and Empress were in a little box at the side. The play was very well done. The Falstaff excellent and the whole thing beautifully staged. There was no pause till the end of the second act when there was a long entr'acte. Countess Keller bustled away and presently came hurrying back and whispered something to Knesebeck and Egloffstein, two of the Court people, and they came and told F.
So off we went rather trembling, under the escort of Countess K. We made deep curtseys and kissed the Empress's hand, and then we all sat down, F. It was rather formidable though they were extremely kind. The Emperor talked nearly all the time; he tells us that no plays of Shakespeare were ever acted in London and that we must have heard tell that it was only the Germans who had really studied or really understood Shakespeare. One couldn't contradict an Emperor, so we said we had always been told so.
Egloffstein's chair broke in the middle of the party and he came flat on to the ground which created a pleasing diversion-I was so glad it wasn't mine! After about 20 minutes the Empress got up, we Curtseyed to her, shook hands with the Emperor.
Florence thanked him very prettily for sending for us and we bowed ourselves out. Florence said she felt shy but she looked perfectly self-possessed and had the prettiest little air in the world as she sat talking to the Emperor. I felt rather frightened, but I did not mind much as I knew I need do nothing but follow Florence's lead. The Empress sits very upright and is rather alarming. He flashes round from one person to the other and talks as fast as possible and is not alarming at all.
We go again to-night to the second part. The Court Ball on Wednesday was a fine show. We were asked for eight o'clock and at a quarter past we formed up for waiting. The ambassadresses sat on a line of chairs to the left of the throne in the Weiser Saal, and we stood meekly behind them. After about half an hour someone tapped tapped on the floor with a wand and in came a long procession of pages followed by the 'Kaiser Paar' and all the 'Furstliche Personen.
The room was almost empty and the few people that were there were dancing the 'trois temps'--one is only allowed to dance the 'deux temps' when the Empress is there. It was a very delicious half-hour for the floor is peerless and all these officers dance so well.
Then followed the gavotte which Florence danced very prettily. The house is all upside down for the ball. Wherever one goes one finds lines and lines of waiters arranging tables. We can seat people at supper. There are to be tables in all the ball rooms, the Chancery ante-room and even the big bedroom. We all intend to bring our partners up to the big bedroom which makes a delightful supper-room. Florence and I went into the kitchen this morning and inspected the food.
I never saw so many eatables together. Florence and I were of course as it was in our own house covered with bows and loaded with flowers. There were supper tables in all the drawing-rooms--it looked extremely nice. I went to tea with Marie von Bunsen and stayed till past 7. She is most interesting. The Court Ball on Wednesday was much nicer than the first one. The Emperor wore a gorgeous Austrian uniform in honour of an Austrian Archduke who was there--the brother of the man who is heir to the throne.
He will be Emperor himself someday as the heir is sickly and unmarried. The Emperor William is disappointing when one sees him close; he looks puffy and ill and I never saw anyone so jumpy. He is never still a second while he is talking.
Uncle Frank is in a great jig about Crete. He thinks there is going to be red war and an intervention of the Powers and all sorts of fine things. Florence and I spent the most heavenly morning at the 'Haupt Probe'. Since then we have been bicycling round the house for exercise as it is raining and we could not go out. Spring Rice and Lord Granville dined with us. After dinner we played hide and seek till we were so hot we could play no longer and finished up the evening with pool and baccarat.
I went to the National Gallery to see the modern pictures. I had been reading about modern German painters and knew what I wanted to look at. Should like to go out but I mayn't go by myself. So I suppose I can't! We were all sent for in the entr'acte. We had a very agreeable tea with the Emperor and Empress and her sister. It was like an act out of another historical drama--but a modern one.
A sheaf of telegrams were handed to the Emperor as we sat at tea. He and Uncle fell into an excited conversation in low voices; we talked on to the Empress trying to pretend we heard nothing but catching scraps of the Emperor's remarks, " Crete.
The Empress kept looking up at him anxiously; she is terribly perturbed about it all and no wonder for he is persuaded that we are all on the brink of war.
My sister Mary Lascelles died on April 3rd, after three days' illness. Her death made a terrible gap in Gertrude's life. I have been to Clarence to-day-it was no use sitting and moping so I thought I had better make myself useful if I could. She was at home with us all the rest of the year. On the 29th December Gertrude and her brother Maurice left home for Southampton, to embark on a voyage round the world.
Gertrude kept a diary letter on the voyage. She posts from Jamaica, Guatemala, San Francisco--wherever she had an opportunity.
It is not worth while reproducing all that she and Maurice saw on this well-known route, which has so often been described. They enjoyed it all, taking part in the unpretentious diversions of a voyage. They asked the Captain's permission to mark out a golf course on board, which had a great success. I am first-favourite at present. It was most luxuriously arranged by nature. In September, after a delightful two months in the West of Scotland--we had taken the Manse at Spean Bridge for the summer--Gertrude is at Redcar again, enchanted to return to her books.
Hugo has been playing golf and we are now going to have a game of racquets before settling down to our work. Oh, how I wish I were going to have a month of this. The bliss of being really at work is past words.
Herbert Pease stands for Darlington, I see in the evening papers. Saturday 22nd September, I'm going to Rounton on Sunday. I have been at the Infirmary all the afternoon. I've got another engagement--to lecture at the High School. I've been arranging about my lantern slides. By the way, confided to Lisa that she felt quite anxious about Elsa because she thought we were all so beautiful and so clever that we couldn't all go on living.
Elsa won't mind being the 'offer' to the jealous gods, I hope! That angel of a Mr. Vaughan Williams has found me a real Persian-at least he is an Afghan and his name is Satdar and he speaks beautiful Persian. I have written to him to-day. They are rather a blow to me, I admit. He is one of the most lovable and livable with people I have ever come across. To her sister Elsa. I thought the braid a little too braidy. A modification of it would be lovely.
I should have no braid on the coat just the seams strapped. I went to Prince's this morning and skated. Next time I'm in London I shall have a few lessons there. It's silly not to be able to skate well when everybody does. My new clothes are very dreamy. You will scream with delight when you see me in them! I have sent off the purple dress and a grey one which is nine guineas and very nice indeed.
It has a dark coat and everything suitable to Elsa. My only doubt is whether the black trimming is not too black.
There is another most elegant elephant grey costume strapped with grey, but the coat is quite tight fitting so that it might not be so becoming to Elsa. I write from a sofa. This morning at Prince's I fell violently on my knees and when I shortly after took my skates off, I found I couldn't walk. Maclagan, however, says I must lie up for a few days. I'm writing to all the amusing people to come and see me, having dressed the part well in a Japanese tea gown.
I shall beguile the time with my pundits while I'm invalided. I've told them all to come. It is so provoking because I was getting to skate really well. A most successful tour altogether. In Athens they find Dr. Hogarth and go the Museum, " where Mr.
Hogarth showed us his recent finds-pots Of B. Doesn't that Make one's brain reel? They listen with breathless interest to his lecture on the Acropolis: I never saw anything better done. He will look smart, bless him. Then to Constantinople, and back again to England in May. Chirol now Sir Valentine Chirol.
They go to Nuremberg and Rothenburg on the way, enjoying themselves ecstatically everywhere. She writes] " this is really too charming. You never met a more delightful travelling party. Florence is in the seventh heaven all the time. Chirol, and in fact all of us, endlessly cheerful and delighted with everything. These letters on a subject now almost hackneyed are too long to insert here. She was not, and did not pretend to be, an expert on music but she cared for it very much.
Hugo, who was an admirable musician, was conservative in his tastes and was at first prepared to be on the defensive with regard to Wagner. Gertrude also records some personal social experiences. Frau Cosima has asked us all to a party on Friday evening. The restaurant was crowded when the door opened and in came the whole Wagner family in procession, Frau Cosima first on Siegfried's arm.
There was a great clapping as she passed down the room to her table. This morning about half past 8 came a message from the Grand Duke [of Hesse] asking us whether we could be at the theatre at 9 as he would show us the stage. We bustled up and arrived only a few minutes late. It was most entertaining; we were taken into every corner, above and below. We descended through trap doors and mounted into Valhalla. We saw all the properties, and all the mechanism of the Rhine maidens; we explored the dressing rooms, sat in the orchestra and rang the Parsifal bells!
The Grand Duke was extremely cheerful and agreeable--he's quite young--and of course everyone was hats off and anxious to show us all we wanted to see. It's a very extraordinary place, the stage; the third scene of Siegfried was set. We shall feel quite at home when we see it to-night.
Hugo is delighted with it all. He really is one of the most delightful people in the world. The Harrachs, you will be glad to hear, thought him very beautiful. Well, I'll tell you--it's awful! I think if I had known exactly what was before me I should not have faced it, but fortunately did not, and I look back on it with unmixed satisfaction--and forward to other things with no further apprehension.
We left here on Friday at 2: Two German men turned up at the Refuge. Madame Castillan gave us a very good supper and I went at once to bed. I got off at 4: In the afternoon, there arrived a young Englishman called Turner with Rodier as guide and a porter.
I went out to watch the beautiful red light fading from the snows and rocks. The Meije looked dreadfully forbidding in the dusk. When I came in I found that Mathon had put my rug in a corner of the shelf which was the bed of us all and what with the straw and my cloak for a pillow I made myself very comfortable.
We were packed as tight as herrings, Mr. Turner next to me, then the two Germans and Rodier. Mathon and the porters lay on the ground beneath us. Our night lasted from 8 till 12, but I didn't sleep at all. Marius lighted a match and looked at his watch. It was ten o'clock. It seemed an odd view of 10 p. We all got up soon after 12 and I went down to the river and washed a little.
It was a perfect night, clear stars and the moon not yet over the hills. We left half an hour later, 1 a. Mathon carried a lantern till we got on to the snow when it was light enough with only the moon. This was the first time I had put on the rope. We had about three hours up very nice rock, a long chimney first and then most pleasant climbing. Then we rested again for a few minutes. I had been in high feather for it was so easy, but ere long my hopes were dashed!
We had about two hours and a half of awfully difficult rock, very solid fortunately, but perfectly fearful. There were two places which Mathon and Marius literally pulled me up like a parcel. I didn't a bit mind where it was steep up, but round corners where the rope couldn't help me! And it was absolutely sheer down. The first half-hour I gave myself up for lost. You see, I had practically never been on a rock before. However, I didn't let on and presently it began to seem quite natural to be hanging by my eyelids over an abyss.
It was not till I was over it that Mathon told me that it was the dreaded place. The Germans got up a quarter of an hour later having climbed up the rock a different way.
We left at 9 and reached the summit at It is a red flat stone, almost perpendicular, some 15 feet high, up which you swarm as best you may with your feet against the Meije, and you sit astride, facing the Meije, on a very pointed crest. I sat there while Marius and Mathon went on and then followed them up an overhanging rock of 20 feet or more. The rope came in most handy--!
We stayed on the summit until It was gorgeous, quite cloudless. I went to sleep for half-an-hour. It's a very long way up but it's a longer way down-unless you take the way Mathon's axe took.
The cord by which it was tied to his wrist broke on the Cheval Rouge and it disappeared into space. There's a baddish place going down the Grand Pic. The guides fastened a double rope to an iron bolt and let Mr.
Turner and me down on to a tiny ledge on which we sat and surveyed the Aiguille d'Arve with La Grave in the foreground. Then was a very nasty bit without the double rope-how anyone gets down those places I can't imagine. Here comes the worst place on the whole Meije. Then Mathon vanished, carrying a very long rope, and I waited. Presently I felt a little tug on the rope. There were two little humps to hold on to on an overhanging rock and there La Grave beneath and there was me in mid-air and Mathon round the corner holding the rope tight, but the rope was sideways of course-that's my general impression of those ten minutes.
Added to which I thought at the time how very well I was climbing and how odd it was that I should not be afraid. The worst was over then, and the most tedious part was all to come. It took us three hours to get from the Grand Pic to the Pic Central-up and down over endless dents. There was no difficulty, but there was also no moment when you had not to pay the strictest attention. I felt rather done when we got to the Pic Central.
There was an hour of ice and rock till at last we found ourselves on the Glacier du Tabuchet and with thankfulness I put on my skirt again. It was then 3 and we got in at 6: The glacier was at first good then much crevassed.
When I got in I found everyone in the Hotel on the doorstep waiting for me and M. Juge let off crackers, to my great surprise. I went to bed and knew no more till 6 this morning, when I had five cups of tea and read all your letters and then went to sleep again until ten. I'm really not tired but my shoulders and neck and arms feel rather sore and stiff and my knees are awfully bruised.
She comes back to England in the middle of September, well pleased, as shown by her letters, with her progress in climbing. In November she starts for Jerusalem, with many hopes and plans, including learning more Arabic. Fritz Rosen was then German Consul at Jerusalem. He had married Nina Roche, whom we had known since she was a child, the daughter of Mr.
Roche of the Garden House, Cadogan Place. Charlotte Roche was Nina's sister. They made everything easy for Gertrude. On the way she writes a long letter from Smyrna, where everyone was most kind and hospitable. She describes the "Mediterranean race " to which the inhabitants of Smyrna belong].
It speaks no language though it will chatter with you in Half a dozen, it has no native land though it is related by marriage to all Europe, and with the citizens of each country it will talk to its compatriots and itself as " we "; it centres round no capital and is loyal to no government though it obeys many.
Cheerful, careless, contented, hospitable to a fault, it may well be all, for it is divested of all natural responsibilities, it has little to guard and little to offer but a most liberal share in its own inconceivably hugger mugger existence. Kindness is its distinctive quality, as far-as I have sampled it, and I hope I may have many opportunities of sampling it further. The pilgrims are camped out all over the deck. They bring their own bedding and their own food and their passage from Odessa costs them some 12 roubles.
They undergo incredible hardships: Here I am most comfortably installed. I am two minutes' walk from the German Consulate. My apartment consists of a very nice bedroom and a big sitting room, both opening on to a small vestibule which in its turn leads out on to the verandah which runs all along the first story of the hotel courtyard with a little garden in it. I pay 7 francs a day including breakfast, which is not excessive.
My housemaid is an obliging gentleman in a fez who brings me my hot bath in the morning and is ready at all times to fly round in my service.
I spent the morning unpacking and turning out the bed and things out of my sitting room; it is now most cosy-two armchairs, a big writing table, a square table for my books, an enormous Kiefert map of Palestine lent me by Uncle Tom and photographs of my family on the walls. The floor is of tiles but they have laid down a piece of carpet on it. There is a little stove in one corner and the wood fire in it is most acceptable.
I propose buying a horse! The keep is very little, Dr. Rosen says, and you see the alternative would be to use theirs. Now they have only 3 for their 3 selves and I already have all my meals except breakfast with them, so don't think I can infringe further on their hospitality. We got in soon after 8, and the kind Rosens came on board with a kavass and carried me off to a very nice hotel where we breakfasted.
The garden was full of parrots and monkeys which breakfasted also when I had finished. It was a delicious sunny day. We drove round about Jaffa, caught the only train at 1: It was 5 before we arrived, Charlotte met us.
The Consulate is small but very comfy, all the rooms open on to a long central living room which is full of beautiful Persian things. The two boys were much excited by my arrival and greeted me with enthusiasm. They are perfect dears, these people.
I feel as if I should love them very much indeed. And so charming about all arrangements, hospitality and kindness itself. Dickson at the English consulate. One's first impression of Jerusalem is extremely interesting, but certainly not pleasing.
The walls are splendid Saracenic on Jewish foundations , but all the holy places are terribly marred by being built over with hideous churches of all the different sects. There is no space to insert in extenso her long and interesting letters from Jerusalem, where she was entirely happy learning Arabic, exploring her surroundings, and being admitted into the delightful intimacy of the Rosens.
But some extracts from the letters are given here. This morning I went out with Charlotte and the children I have not Yet got my teacher.
The two boys rode on a donkey and looked angels. They are delicious children. I saw a charming little horse, a bay, very well bred with lovely movements rather showy, but light and strong and delightful in every way We have embarked on negotiations for him which promise to take some time as they now ask 40 pounds and my price is 18 to 20! He comes of a well-known stock so that I should run no risk of losing on him when I sell him. My saddle had to be wrapped round him!
This morning I had my first lesson. My teacher's name is Khalil Dughan and he is exactly what I want. I learnt more about pronunciation this morning than I have ever known. In the afternoon, Nina, Dr. December 13th, My days are extremely full and most agreeable. I either have a lesson or work alone every morning for 4 hours-the lesson only lasts one and a half hours.
I have 3 morning and 3 afternoon lessons a week. I am just beginning to understand a little of what I hear and to say simple things to the servants, but I find it awfully difficult. The pronunciation is past words, no western throat being constructed to form these extraordinary gutturals. Still it's really interesting. We lunch at Then I come home to my work till 7 when I dress and go in to dinner.
I aim at being back by 10 to get another hour's work but this doesn't always happen, especially now when Nina is very busy preparing a Xmas tree and we spend our evenings tying up presents and gilding walnuts, Dr. My horse is much admired. My teacher, also, is a success. He has the most charming fund of beautiful oriental stories and I make him tell them to me by the hour as I want to get used to the sound of words. He is a Christian and his family claims to have been Crusaders.
He has given me a lecture of his, written out in English on the customs of the Arabs. It begins "The Arabs are the oldest race on earth; they date from the Flood!! That means it's dressing time. The days fly here so that I scarcely know how to catch at them for a moment's time to write to you.
It is now 11 p. I may say in passing that I don't think I shall ever talk Arabic, but I go on struggling with it in the hope of mortifying Providence by my persistence. I now stammer a few words to my housemaid--him of the fez--and he is much delighted. With Charlotte, who is a most spirited companion, I explored a great part of the inner town.
We are quite the family party and I love them all. The boys are angels. The first night of rain I was awakened by a rushing sound of water and found that it was falling in sheets on to my pillow! I took up my bed and walked and spent the rest of the night in peace. It has rained quite persistently for 5 days.
You may imagine how I say 'Heil dir, Sonne! Yesterday the Rosens had a Xmas tree for all the German children. It was most successful and the children were dears. I am beginning to feel very desperate about Arabic and I am now going to try a new plan. A Syrian girl is to come and spend an hour with me 3 Or 4 times a week and talk to me.
I shall take her out walks sometimes, if she is satisfactory, and converse with her. It is an awful language. Will You order Heath to send me out a wide gray felt sun hat not double, but it must be a regular Terai shape and broad brimmed to ride in, and to put a black velvet ribbon round it With Straight bows. My Syrian girl is charming and talks very Prettily but with a strong local accent. It adds enormously to one's difficulties that one has to learn a patois and a purer Arabic at the same time.
I took her out for a long walk on Friday afternoon and went photographing about Jerusalem. She was much entertained, though she was no good as a guide, for she had never been in the Jewish quarter though she has lived all her life here! That's typical of them. I knew my way, however, as every Englishwoman would-it's as simple as possible. She came with us on the following day on a most delightful expedition.
We started at 9 in the morning-it was Sunday and therefore a legitimate holiday-and rode down the Valley of Hinnon and all along the brook Kedron which is dry at this season through a deep valley full of immensely old olive trees and rock tombs scarcely older.
Then up a long hill and down on the other side into a shallow naked valley, where there were many encampments of the black Bedouin tents, and so into an extraordinary gorge called the Valley of Fire.
The rock lies in natural terraces and is full of caves; the Brook Kedron it had rejoined us in a roundabout way has cut the steepest, deepest cleft for its bed and on either side rise these horizontal layers of stone.
They have been a regular city of anchorites, each living in his cave and drawing his ladder up behind him when he went in. Half a mile or so further on lies the citadel of this cave town, the Monastery of Mar Saba, itself half cave and half building, its long walls and towers creeping up the steep rock, the dome of its chapel jutting out from it, and the irregular galleries and rows of cells hanging out over a precipice.
The rock itself is full of little square windows and these are the cave cells and probably about as old as St. Saba who lived in the 6th century. What a terrible time it is. I feel such a beast to be writing to you about my pleasant doings in the midst of all this, still I can do no good to you all by being very anxious.
On Wednesday we rode down to the Dead Sea, over a long stretch of country on which grew thorny plants, then through a curious belt of hard mud heaps, then along the Jordan valley and finally across a bit of absolute desert, white with salt and plantless. It was a glorious day, bright and hot. I was thrilled by your account of your coat-it sounds too beautiful. I am extremely happy and much amused, and I am very busy with Arabic.
Whenever I can I get Ferideh to come and spend the afternoon with me, but as she teaches in a school, I can usually only get her on a Saturday. She comes to tea with me, however, two other days a week and we converse for an hour. I often go walking alone of an afternoon and explore the surrounding country And nearly always find some exciting flower among the rocks. The earliest flower place is the Valley of Hinnon. I went there yesterday afternoon for starch hyacinths and cyclamen and had a tremendous scramble.
As I came back along the Road I met an Arab who greeted me avffably and told me he had seen me climbing on the rocks. So we walked home together We had a long talk--my conversations are limited to rather simple subjects. The first thing they always say is, "We have heard that there is a great deal of water in your country. I am just beginning to feel my feet after a fearful struggle. The first fortnight was perfectly desperate--I thought I should never be able to put two words together.
Added to the fact that the language is very difficult there are at least three sounds almost impossible to the European throat. The worst I think is a very much aspirated H.
I can only say it by holding down my tongue with one finger, but then you Can't carry on a conversation with your finger down your throat can you? My little girl Ferideh Yamseh is a great success. She talks the dialect, but that is all the better as I want to understand the people of hereabouts. I went to visit her and her family after dinner yesterday--they are quite close.
It was most amusing. I found the mother a pretty charming woman who has had ten children and looks ridiculously young they marry at Two sisters and presently a brother came in. The mother talks nothing but Arabic so the visit was conducted in that language with great success Ferideh interpreting from time to time.
I was regaled on cocoa, a very sweet Arab pastry and pistachios which I love and shown all the photographs of all their relations down to the last cousin twice removed. My Sheikh has just told me that Ladysmith is relieved I do hope it is true and that this is the beginning of good news.
I am sending you a little packet of seeds. They are more interesting for associations sake than for the beauty of the plant--it is the famous and fabulous mandrake. By the way the root of the mandrake grow to a length of 2 yards, so I should think somebody shrieks when it is dug up-if not the mandrake, then the digger. I took Ferideh for a drive and a walk yesterday and talked Arabic extremely badly and felt desponding about it. However there is nothing to be done but to struggle on with it.
I should like to mention that there are five words for a wall and 36 ways of forming the plural. And the rest is like unto it.
It ought to reach you in a week as it goes by a good post via Egypt. The posts are arranged thus: Sunday and Monday outgoing posts and the rest of the week nothing. Nina and I rode this afternoon, heavenly weather. We went an exploring expedition through a lovely valley under a place called Malba. The path of course awful. In one place we had to get off, pull down a wall and lead our horses over it. There are no decent paths at all, only the hard high road.
I so often wish for you--always when I'm making a nice expedition. Next spring let us come here together. Anyhow let us have a nice travel together soon. I rode down here yesterday afternoon with Isa, one of the kavasses. We started at 1: It was a most pleasant day for riding, cool and not sunny, today is brilliantly sunny, I came down the last hill in company with a band of Turkish soldiers, ragged, footsore, weary, poor dears!
We held a long conversation. The Russian Pilgrim House we visited last night and found it packed with pilgrims as tight as herrings sleeping in rows on the floor. Even the courtyard was quite full of them and on a tree an eikon round which a crowd of them were praying, Charlotte and I rode off with Isa about 11 and went down to the Jordan, taking our lunch with us. Bedouin and fellaheen, kavasses in embroidered clothes.
Turkish soldiers, Greek priests and Russian peasants, some in furs and top boots and some in their white shrouds, which were to serve as bathing dresses in the holy stream and then to be carried home and treasured up till their owner's death. We lunched and wandered about for some time, I photographing some of these strange groups--long-haired Russian priests in their shrouds standing praying in the hot sun by the river bank, among the tamarisk bushes and the reeds, every one, men and women, had chains of beads and crucifixes hung round their necks.
The sun was very hot and we waited and waited while those who were going to be baptised signed their names and paid a small fee. We found ourselves ensconced on willow boughs just opposite to the place where the priests were coming down to bless the water. We waited for about half an hour, then the crowd opened and a long procession of priests came to the water's edge with lighted candles. The shrouded people clambered down the mud banks and stood waist deep In the stream until the moment when the priest laid the cross three times upon the water, then suddenly, with a great firing off of guns, everyone proceeded to baptise himself by dipping and rolling over in the water.
It was the strangest sight. Some of them had hired monks at a small fee to baptise them and they certainly got their money's worth of baptism, for the monks took an infinite pleasure in throwing them over backwards into the muddy stream and holding them under until they were quite saturated.
We then rowed back, returned to our horses and got back about 5. There is a regular commerce apart from all others here to supply the Russian pilgrims with relics, souvenirs and the necessities of Russian peasant life. I bless the typewriter. It is rather terrible to think that Maurice is off; I hoped he wouldn't leave till the end of the month, Anyhow you will telegraph to me on his arrival, won't you, and all items of news you receive from him which can be conveyed by telegram.
He writes in great spirits and it may be that it will be good for him, the out-of-door life there. My last letter I have sent home to be forwarded to him. Do you know the way when something disagreeable happens, that one looks back and tries to imagine what it would have been like if it hadn't happened?
That's how I feel about his going. He and Gertrude were bound together by the closest affection and her constant anxiety and solicitude about him is shown in her letters. It is not very difficult, I must confess, still it's ordinary good Arabic, not for beginners, and I find it too charming for words. Moreover I see that I really have learnt a good deal since I came for I couldn't read just for fun to save my life.
It is satisfactory, isn't it? I look forward to a time when I shall just read Arabic-like that! I really think that these months here will permanently add to the pleasure and interest of the rest of my days! Still there is a lot and a lot more to be done first--SO to work! Sunday, was too many for me. I did not go out at all but sat It home and read Aladdin and looked at the streaming rain. Monday was a little better.
Charlotte and I put on short skirts and thick boots and went for a long walk to a lovely spring she knew of. We walked down a deep valley which s long as we have known it has been as dry as a bone and where to our surprise we found a deep swift stream, Ain Tulma, our object, was on the other side and as there are no bridges in this country, there being no rivers as a rule there was nothing for it but to take off our shoes and stockings and wade.
The water came above our knees. The other side was too lovely--the banks of the river were carpeted with red anemones, a sheet of them, and to walk by the side of a rushing stream is an unrivalled experience in this country.
When we got to Ain Tulma we found the whole place covered with cyclamen and orchis and a white sort of garlic, very pretty, and the rocks out of which the water comes were draped in maidenhair. There were a lot of small boys, most amiable young gentlemen, who helped us to pick cyclamen, and when I explained that I had no money they said it was a bakshish to me--the flowers.
We had a very scrambly walk back, waded the stream again and when we got to a little village at the foot of the hill, we hired some small boys to carry our flowers home for us. In this village I lost my way and we found ourselves wandering over the flat roofs and Jumping across the streets below!
I hurried on as it was 5 and I had a lesson at 5: They were great fun. We had long conversations all the way home. It's such an amusement to be able to understand. The differences of pronunciation are a little puzzling at first to the foreigner. There are two k's in Arabic--the town people drop the hard k altogether and replace it by a guttural for which we have no equivalent; the country people pronounce the hard k soft and the soft k ch, but they say their gutturals beautifully and use a lot of words which belong to the more classical Arabic.
The Bedouins speak the best; they pronounce all their letters and get all the subtlest shades of meaning out of the words. I must tell you this is a great day--a German post office has been opened, and we expect marvels from it.
There is parcel post and all complete and I advise you to put German Post Office on to your letters to me. One of our kavasses has gone to be Post Office kavass and as I passed down the Jaffa Street he rushed out open armed to greet me and begged me to come in. So in I went and retired behind the counter and shook hands warmly with the two post masters they dined with us a few nights ago and bought 6 stamps to celebrate the occasion--which I didn't pay for, as I had no money--the kavass saying all the time--"Al!
The tourists who were sending off telegrams were rather surprised to see someone seemingly like themselves come in hand in hand with an old Arab and fall into the arms of the officials behind the counter!
It was extremely high! To-day came the joyful news of the relief of Ladysmith. So why not do the same and open yourself to him? As long as you make him feel that it is completely ok to be vulnerable, he would never feel that way. Your article is absolutely amazing and I really appreciate you taking the time to share this information!!
Love love love this article. Makes a lot of sense. Really appreciate your efforts here. Thank you for not sugar-coating the truth! Wish I would have read this a month sooner.. Is make-up a must? I enjoyed your perspective on what a man needs from a woman…definitely a game changer…Inspiring. I like your view on letting him know he is winning! My POV inspire him to know he is doing his best and encourage him and be that positive woman that he has put his time, effort and energy into winning.
Do this because you truly want him and see that added happiness with him. How did I do with understanding? I would like your feedback. I want to know that I am understanding where you are coming from. Wow wonderful article clear insite. Thanks for the insight.
I do see a relationship in the future and I hope that he sees one as well. Excellent article, thank you for the information. It explains alot of what has gone wrong in my past relationships. It also points me towards the areas I need to improve. I really enjoy reading the articles on ANM especially how both you and Sabrina are direct instead of candy-coating the tough issues. Thats the great article I have read so far.
First of all thank you for sharing this. Well, my scenario is quite complicated. There was my ex who broke up with me in 2 months because we were studing in different cities and moreover I wasnt much romantic and flirter with him, more into study and fun. That broke up has a long effect on me that i never able to overcome from him till now, its been 6 years almost.
We are still in touch with each other since our break-up. He told me, he went through guilt for an year of hurting my sentiments but never told me the reason exactly. Anyway, after that broke up, in my class, I made a best friend who was guy, we were best buddies, and my ex used to visit me whenever he come to home which is in my city where I study.
He made efforts to came and meet me up. I used to meet him, then I went to aborad for my exchange studies, there I got to know my best friend was getting married. I got devasted by that news, bcz he was the only friend who was close to my heart. I called my ex to ask him out for marriage, which he denied it completely, but always flirty over phone, share his guitar and listening to music with me.
I got frustrated bcz there I wasnt able to move on in my life bcz of this ex who is somewhere on my head and heart everytime. Finally, I asked my best friend to marry me. He told me to come back from exchange program to marry him, which I denied it bcz I cant marry in the middle of my studies, I told him, i started looking him as a potential mate and lets get settle first and then think about marry. Anyone, that plan didnt work, when I came back to my country after an year, this ex showing interest in me, but I thought of moving out specially when I am seeing my best friend going away from my life who was closed to my heart more than anyone else.
There my friend got engaged with some girl, I went through massive emotional turmoil of my friend leaving me, then this ex came and had physical intimacy twice with me no sex, only a little make out.
I was emotionally not stable at that time, bcz I was broken with my friend engagement with whom I wanna marry to. This best friend of mine later called me from the city he lived in which is another city than I live in. This friend cried over phone that he made a mistake of choosing that girl who his parents choosed for him.
I became emotionally senisitive towards him, went to his city to meet him. There i told my friend who knew my ex my ex also knew about my friend about the make out session happened between me and ex bcz of emotional turmoil of his marriage news.
I was going through massive emotional rollar coster ride, there i connect with my ex again and told him how I am thinking to get marry to my friend bcz u r not serious for me. This ex after listening to this, again made out with me, and I wasnt able to stop him, as if my mind became numb or something. I was going through so much emotions that I was unable to stop anyone.
There, my friend marriage date was coming near, all arrangement was going on and despite his no to parents, still things was working out for marriage. There I was unable to stop myself and bursted out to both ex and friend that i made out with both of them. There my ex was calming me down by saying it why i disclosed it to friend, its just moments which I should not let him know and forget.
At the end, my friend got married, ex continued kissed and hug me to the time I rudely disconnect cords with him. Wne tthrough sucidal thoughts and all. Now I dont wanna talk about a friend bcz his chapter is closed for ever. But this ex, continues come and go in my life. For few months we dont talk, and when I start talking, everytime it leads to little physical intimacy.
I told him many times, that I am not interested in friends with benefit but he kept having me. Final blast come, when my only parent i. I asked him directly will he marry me, he stright forwardly said NO, bcz he wanted to concentrate in his career, and dont want me to wait for him bcz he is not interested to marry me or any girl. He is only passion is to start his own business. Now its been 8 months of my mother. We sometimes go out for dinner, he shares his guitar playing or music with me.
I mostly initiate the call and he reciprocate time to time, sometimes completely ignores me, sometimes shows care towards me. Now we are not even intimated from last months n so. He listen me sometimes when I shared my vulnerabiltiy and cry for mother, I used to listen him sometimes bcz he only comes in contact with me sometimes he shares his vulnerabilty of failure of his business plan, looking for job, going through financial crunches, still he sometimes take out time to spend with me outside dinner and tea.
The other thing is, I know who his friends are but never met anyone personally, neither I met his family till now , its been 8 years of more we know each other.
He mostly met with my friends, even on my mother demise, came to my home, seen all my relatives, but I havent met any of his contact in these 8 years. As we did our graducation from same college so I know few of his classmates, who is his still friends. I know his other friends bcz he keep telling me about them. What you think, where I am going with this ex?
He clearly said me NO when times I asked him for marriage, neither we are in relationship nor he loves me. He just say, he likes me or respect me for what I am. What should I need to do? I am unable to compelty cut the cords, neither I can see myself like this. I thought of less take step back, and be friends only, I did tried to or still we both try that, but for me its quite tough, as I know my heart still goes for him. I really wanna end all these confusion and get out of this.
Either we both should be together or I completly move on from him and just be friend with him. After mom, I rarely have friends left, not even I consider any relatives as my family, only one bro who is not well. In short I am alone, and this guy is the one I respect and adore the most. But sometimes, I just hate him for putting me on hold. I feel like this is tricking the guy into being with you. Why does getting a guy to like you so complicated?
And as far as market value goes… how is that complicated? Probably one of the best articles into the male psyche I have ever read. Best compliment I can bestow. Thank you for the logic. Hi Eric, My bf and I lived together for 6 years during which time his drinking and crazy behavior escalated. He moved out 3 years ago. He wanted to come back but I needed time to heal.
By the time I healed he had lost feelings for me. For the following 6 months leading up to now, I acted like a nut. Mostly his FB posts made me crazy and the female friends he was making. I still wanted to work it out and so I off and on depending on different things and behaviors acted very badly. We hooked up a few times off and on and he was still interested in doing that. I wonder if I caused that to happen. Now I am just backing off completely.
He told me throughout and after our relationship that I was what he had always wished for. Do you see any way towards a future for us? We really did love each other and had a really great relationship outside the stuff I mentioned before. And, I was the best I had ever been in a relationship. We had love, respect, trust. Hard to believe now at the 10 year mark we are likely to never be together again.
What can you tell me? Any chance he will remember me the way he knew me to be before and want it again? Thanks so much for responding. Excellent, honest, empowering and doable advice. I have a question, if you can get to it. Im crazy about a guy but on our 2nd and last date, I was just acting weird—cold and distant, trying to not let him see how much I liked him. Is there anything I can do now to fix this or undo it?
I want to tell him I was not myself that night and ask him to give me another chance. Is this a good idea, or is it too much me pursuing him? Then, you second-guess yourself and think you screwed it up. If you trace it back, do you see this cycle underneath how things played out for you? Do you see it as how your actions came about and why you acted the way that you did?
You want them, so you fantasize about how great it would be to have them. Then you grow attached to that fantasy… and then you fear that the bubble will be burst in reality, so you make some move because of your fear. It is a natural unfolding of connection that comes as a byproduct of your enjoyment of each other.
It would be so great to have this friend! Oh no, what do I do?! It all comes down to this: Are you able to be OK right now… as you are… where you are… how you are? Can you be OK where you are at this moment? Or… will you be like the majority of the people in our society… who feel like they need something outside of themselves to be OK?
To have a baby? To buy a house? To get a cool car? I really love this response. Over and over again I meet guys who i really like. I create a fantasy of our perfect life together and as soon as I get excited about them, they stop calling. Then I freak out and go over every detail of the date wonder what little thing I did that made them go from being really into me, to not texting me.
Ok, so I understand that the problem is that I have this fantasy and I really like the guy. I have hobbies and a social life, but I would still really love a boyfriend. Wow, this is me! My question is where can I find more literature on this topic?
The part about the maintaining in an overall inner peaceable state, is a useful observation of human-to-human interaction. Thanks for honest relationship advice. You are clearly a smart man!: Love what you said about market value. Learning your worth and value is so important. This is so helpful to see the impact of this.
Hello Eric, Thank you for all of your relationship advice. I have someone that loves, respects, and is always there for me. This article convinced me to live in the moment and enjoy every minute of it. Hi Eric Im from Iran, I read your websites and articles by accident.
But it was a great accident. At the same time My boy friend broke up with me and I could concure with my feeling with reading your articles. I also suggest your articles to my friends and every one i knew. I want to Thank you for opening my eyes to a new world. Ive had two bad relationships, and honestly want something really casual with this guy from work I think is cute. Im also about to move cross country, and dont want a long distance relatiohip. I asked a guy friend to do some asking for me, and my friend said my crush reacted surprised but happy when my friend told him I liked him.
He said sure, yes, pulled out his phone and I just handed him my cell number. Im very new to all this, so what should I do? Ill see him at work tomorrow and dont want it to be awkward. In that scenario, is it okay to tell him I dont feel comfortable doing anything behind kissing right now? My past two relationships abused me in this area, and I dont want to scare him off with messiness or by being too prudish. I have a question. You mention that women should not neglect to wear make-up to help themselves look their best.
But I do want to look attractive for a man. Can you offer guidance on what style of make-up most normal men find attractive? Bright red lipstick vs more subdued tones? The best evidence for what men find most attractive is found in looking in places that have an exclusively male audience.
In this day and age, I would not look at mainstream media at all for guidance in what men find attractive. I would have the same advice for men, by the way…. So start there and I think you will be amazed at how different you find what men want versus what women-oriented media tells you. They have no political agenda they want to indoctrinate you with. With regards to androgeny… and this is not a political or social statement… it is biologically sexually repellant to look non-female.
If you want to attract men, emphasize your woman-ness. If you like the androgynous look and you want it for yourself, more power to you.
In fact, there are some guy friends of mine that love women with the androgynous look. Just like there are some guys I know that love a woman with tattoos or any other presentation you can imagine. And, again, I have to emphasize you should focus on the NICHE of men you want to attract — pro-Athletes on average tend to like one type of woman… nerdy punk rock rebel type guys tend to prefer another… musicians tend to prefer another… and so on, so forth.
I can only tell you the best place to look — one free of corporate motivations and political-agendas. Hope it helps and good luck! Thanks a lot Eric.
This article has really enlightened me now I know what my man wants. Thanks for the comment. Thank you for all the info. You really know your stuff. I worked with him for 3 months before any of this happened. And then I saw a huge smile come on his face.
Our eyes meet then his eyes go straight down to my chest then a little lower and then he tilts his head and goes back up to my chest then breaks contact. What is that saying about this situation? What was he trying to tell me? What do u think?
Lol oh and he used to talk about his wife always nagging and would tell his buddies that he very rarely has sex with her. Just some more info for you! I broke up with my ex 3 months ago. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl his been dating for 3 years.
After we broke up he went on a date with her to celebrate their 3 year anniversary but he told me they were celebrating 3 years of friendship which i do not believe. We started talking after our break up. I asked him if he still dating that girl he refused. I asked him back he refused because he wants to concentrate on his career and he says we might get back in future 3years from now. I asked him if he really loved me and had feelings for me while we dated he said yes.
Since then we have been talking. I told him i want to get over him but I have failed to do so because he always comes back into life such as him sending 25 pictures of himself. I told him I found a rebound to get over him his response was ok. I sent him a message telling him I would have appreciated if you picked up my calls or told me me you would not come, the journey between us ends today. Did i do anything wrong? Does he still love me?
Does he want space? Does he still love his girlfriend who he calls the ex? My ex won me over my previous boyfriend. Lies turn me off but everytime he lied to me i did not get turned off. On 2 occasions he compared me to his ex just because she is intelligent and studying medicine and i am studying law and i keep repeating courses.
He even went to on to say i am threatened by her which is not true. I want to know why he has not responded to any of my calls and messages even though he has seen them? And is he worth it? I love him because of his personality.
We both have a sense of humour. We always make each other laugh. He carries himself in a respectful and responsible manner. He acts mature, but after all this I have gone through i am doubting if he is mature at all.
At that time i did not think he was cheating and i did not want any reassurance all I wanted was for me to talk to him just for my entertainment. Eric, a lot of this is true.
Men are quite visual — they care about a pretty face and body over your income. They care about a warm smile and a soft tone over your job title or where you went to college. Unfortunately, a lot of confident, successful women find this to be a tricky balance. How can we over-succeed a man without emasculating him?
Most of what you said is support-driven. Especially the successful ones. I wish there was a better answer for the more nuanced city-style relationship. This is the crap that gets babbled about in magazines.
Even still, it would be your best strategy to find a guy who will line up with what you want…. If he were to break up with me tomorrow and we were no longer dating and never would ever again, would I still like this person on a human level? Would I still find him interesting? Would I still find him good? Would I still want to be friends with him? Relationships are really simple and reveal themselves in plain view. Always has been, always will be.
BUT the more picky you are with the relationship style you want, the more picky you need to be about WHO you select… select well and everything is easy and effortless by effortless I mean that even the parts of the relationship that take work never feel like work… the whole spectrum of the relationship is joyful in its own ways, even the challenging parts ….
How am I going to go get it? I really love your articles. They are truly helpful and I love your way of talking about men and women without making silly generalizations… Thank you also for taking the time to write these. Two weeks ago he came to my place for dinner. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and then I asked him if he did. Would you have any advice for me? What should I do? Thank you so much. Eric, I found myself searching for the million dollar question we all want to know.
Now Eric, I must tell you. I am a 44 year old woman. And have been married twice. And divorced both times. My last hitting its 16 year mark that I have been single. Now I have had relationships here and there. I really do hate the whole dating game.
I feel I know nothing more than I did when I was 16 about men. I actually found it very insightful. And I look forward to writting you back to let you know what happens. On the trip we really got to know each other, flirted and joked a little and since I was the only single girl there, he definitely paid extra attention to me by hiding my items or sitting on me or deliberately ripping me off and getting a reaction out of me.
Once we went home we talked for two weeks straight and then things started to dwindle. But eventually he wanted photos from me. Then when we went to another event together he picked up where we left off, sat next to me and only spoke to me. What does this mean? Am I wasting my time or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?
First off — how long have you been going out? Less than a year and maybe even 2 years and I doubt you are on the same page. How old are you two? If you are pretty young it is rare in this day and age to get married. Eric, keep up the great work. Somewhere along the way, we made relationships difficult and confusing. Being open to it, loving ourselves and accepting it.
Thank you for making a difference. One thing about superficial aspects: So trying to get over him. He thought I thought he was a toy..
I just recently met a man online and I ended up sleeping with him on the first date. I really like this guy and I think there may be potential for us to mesh well. Thank you for your insight,a mans point of view is extremely helpful. Ive dated a man for 9 months,he is very good to me. He was married for 30 years,so dating is foreign to him it seems. However I was with him over a 4 day and night period,in which there was effort put forth by me sexually but hardly any by him towards me,totally different than usual.
Ive brought it out in conversation and we get interrupted phone calls and its not brought up by me or him. Thanks for your time T. If not, I cannot lose. For women who think they can just show up without working out or dressing well etc.
A good man deserves to feel good about his choices, just like women do. Nobody deserves the misery that comes from that situation. We should have just stayed friends. Instead we drove each other crazy for years. Thanks so much Erik, for being a voice of reason in the sea of silly pandering. Your partner in crime has excellent advice, too! If I can offer some constructive criticism, though, that goofy movie has to go. I will leave a comment. I want a partner to go through life with.
I want a friend, partner, and lover. It may be asking too much. Ultimately, my approach and opinion have remained the same: I want to help people by telling them what works and what is effective. In that way, there were certain concepts that people would ask about or talk about that are not as discussed nowadays. Six years ago, people were frequently asking me to talk about the concept of neediness. If it were up to me, though, I never would have ventured to talk about neediness since a lot of what I talk about precludes neediness from being an issue if you approach a relationship effectively.
Make your mood your top priority — live in a happy way. When you make your mood your priority and you allow happiness to be your guide, it becomes really easy to naturally and effortlessly attract love into your life. When I find myself unhappy about something, I have taken your advice and looked inward. Then I choose happy and have actually been told I am fun by the person with whom I thought I was having an issue. Everything you have said is the truth, but you left out the MOST important thing especially after having thrived for 20 years with a high market-value woman: Attitude is the underlying foundation for everything you have stated Eric, and when it comes down to it, [ladies] attitude informs and influences everything a man is drawing upon to approach, win, love and keep a woman.
Conversely, a man who is drawn to a bad attitude has a mental instability — like immaturity or a sociopathy… I mean, really, who seeks out drama like that?!? I need to know do I give him space or continue to chat? My boyfriend has so much interest in me but i get too emotional and it dos put him off. Thanks for your advice.. Does he loves me truly??
Thank you for your really good and insightful articles. I am a widow, aged He left his life behind, half a world away, to be with me. Then he left me after 6 months. Then 5 weeks later came back to me. Then after 4 weeks, he left me again. The reason he wanted me was because he knows that I am a winner and he has always felt like a loser in life. I inspired him to be the best man he ever could be and beyond … He loved the way I understood his goals, aspirations and dreams.
The way I supported and encouraged him. The way I was his biggest cheerleader! So, why did he run away? I really enjoy your columns. I find them eye-opening and straight to the point.
Your frankness is priceless. Today, I am feeling so tired. I have been reading all the help tips about relationships and I still feel like a woman of convenience.
We work together and he works 2 jobs, has no time and is exhausted all the time, so I am so tired of doing all the work. Our relationship has died down and while I am trying to be supportive and encourage him, I am beat. I am a very upbeat gal and have lots of friends; however, I am a giver and I think that is hurting me. I am trying to hold back from that, but it is hard for me and I do it without thinking.
He is very handsome and women are always throwing themselves at him. I think I have given up at this point. I am tired of the cancellations and promises that he does not keep. I get my hopes up and then they come crashing down. I stay busy and do other things but I am disappointed.
I am so sorry to be so negative, it is nothing to do with your advice, I think your advice is wonderful. I am tired of being the one that has to do all the work.
I know he likes me, but maybe that is what it is, he likes me and that is the furthest it is going to go. I have been so upbeat through this whole thing, and now, I am beaten down. It is too much work! This is a really good article, so technically what your saying is a woman should really learn how to belive in herself be happy with her life and love herself a men will be interested in that and want to be with her because she can help him grow she inspires him to do better ….
So this is why I say making your mood the primary focus of your life is so important for relationships: Conversely, if your mood is great, it will shine through all of your other great qualities and you will shine brightly and attract love from every angle.
Eric- The article is great. Precise and on point. I totally get what you are saying and although I thought I understood men, I was missing the final piece of the puzzle the winning part. What do you do in that type of situation? I had the same question. You said not to focus on his career. I might have misunderstood that. Perfect…exactly what I did! Thanks for the article! I have one question, and it is a bit long. So, there are three very beautiful girls standing side by side. Each one has an entirely different personality, but they look identical.
The first one is extremely confident and outgoing. She knows she is beautiful, smart, and an amazing person, but she can seem a little bitchy at times. No matter how many times you compliment her, she refuses to believe it.
She is kinda depressed, although she does an amazing job of hiding it. She is the kind of girl who would help everyone, despite the fact that she is in serious need of help herself but she would never ask. Then the third girl is very complicated. She knows that she is beautiful, but sometimes she refuses to admit it.
She likes to joke around about it too. She is hyperactive but also calm. She is humble but confident, and she is very smart. She is a sweet person, but sometimes a little bitch can show up. She immediately apologizes and feels bad if she says something rude, or if she hurts someone. She tries her best to fix broken friendships even if they are beyond repair She alway tries to help, and she puts others before herself.
A little greediness can show up once in a while, and sometimes she cries over random things. She is emotional and moody. When she is in a relationship, she loves with all her heart. Her heart is very fragile. When it gets broken it takes forever to heal, and she builds bigger walls every time. She is both shy and outgoing, depending on the situation. Now that you have the details, I would like to know which girl you like the most.
Remember, all of them are gorgeous in your eyes. We have a sort of relationship,but not in public. We talk and text on telefon,meet each other for dinner or just a cup of coffee.
I sleep over once in a while. He knows that I want to make plans with him, want him to make me a priority. He has told me things from a earlier relationship. He has had hope for a new start. I think he is a man that needs time to trust a woman again,but do you think i just hope to much?
You are already being a doormat. That is NOT a relationship. You have your answer. Yes, you are hoping too much. Thank You for your answer. I can see why your answer is like that. I wonder if we humans are to busy finding love, so we miss someone good, kind and gentle along the road…….
I asked for advice. Your answer is to cut him off. Whom are you Carrie? We talk but he want me to fulfill his needs, then we can move on to the next step. I could not agree more with most above statements. No one is attracted to desperation. I live a full, juicy, vibrant life outside, of dating.
More, than one man at a time non sexually until exclusive. Anyhow, great article and I agree with points. Have a good evening! I actually even like just imagining showing someone something I truly enjoy, for this reason — it feels new each time. Especially if the guy tends to be more introverted, i.
I disagree about sex being such a high-priority item in relationship building. Based on my own observation and experience, if sex comes first, the relationship tends to stop there and not develop any further, 1. After talking to many thousands of men and women, I can tell you there are more examples than I can count of happy committed couples that had sex on the first date. They committed to a deeper relationship not because of the sex, but because of the relationship.
My opinion on it and all of what I write is just my opinion is that it puts the focus on the wrong things. Worse, it maintains the false idea that the most valuable aspect of her is her sex and not the actual reasons why a man would want to choose her as a woman to connect to.
Loved the introvert statement. Intorvert women are the same. It actually took a lot of energy for me to tell a guy that I felt that he was holding back. My live in boyfriend of 2 years issed me goodbye one morning to play golf with friend, said he loved me then didnt come home for 4 nights. We did have the not ready talk the night before, but he said he didnt want to brreak up and I was the one.
He thad told me he bought the ring I picked out but wasnt ready to get married. I told him we could still engaged and have a long engagement. Two weeeks before he he gave me a card that said he couldnt imagine life without me and he was looking forward to the future.
He knows I hate it when he goes out and doesnt come home becausse he drank to much. He was ignoring my 2 phone calls and my texts asking him what was going on and why he wasnt coming home. He responded he was fine and would be home later, then didnt come again and I saw pictures with him out with friends.
He was spending days and nights at his parents and his sisters. So on the 5th day I packed his stuff up, found the ring and took evverything to his parents. He did text that afternoon saying he was coming to change for work and no other comment. By then I had changed the locks and had his things packed. I gave the ring to his mom and his things said I didnt know what happened, but deserved a conversation.
He has never talked to me since and it has been 3 months. We loved each other and had a plan for the future. Should I have moved him out or waited?
This has happened before and we had broken up in the past because of similiar issues. We are both the I am an RN and getting my masters. He has another year to get his undergrad and is a bartender at our country club where my family belongs, where I met him. I have reached out and he responded that we could get our schedules together and talk. I sent him some times, but he never called.
Im just trying to understand how we could from A to Z like that…. I kknow he was planning on coming home when he left! Was it a little of both…. When women stop over analyzing their moves and a stop caring about a guys intentions Is when we can actually enjoy the relationship for what it is and stop depending on it for happiness. Because they think of you as a positive moment in time and then want to spend more time with you. Weirdest of all is: I only recently discovered this myself, with my new guy.
As a woman with a life of her own, takes care of herself physically, a mother of an almost 22 yr old boy; I will tell you, you hit every nail on the head Eric! I appreciate every article still have many to catch up on to the fullest. A woman should want to keep her man interested at all stages in the relationship. Keep up the great work! Hey Eric, I have looked at your Facebook page mainly out of curiosity, and I am starting to see why you have the point of view you do. Not to say I disagree with what you are saying I agree whit a lot of it.
But you seem to have this opinion of how you like woman to look and make it out to be that this is how most men feel. So I wonder do most men really feel this way or do you write about what you like because it is your job, to share your knowledge of what men want. Also I am sure the men you are around like a similar lifestyle to you weather they are married or not. I feel that most men do want women who are completely themselves but still take pride in their appearance.
I feel like an ugly hater who rags on beautiful women, which is not the case you can look on my Facebook I am not. Also I have been asked by my boyfriend many times why I try so hard and spend time doing my make up and hair when I am a mom and no one expects me to, he says I should just be natural. So my question to that is why does he say that? I hope to hear your I out on this! Sexual attraction is an important factor in a relationship, but far from the only important factor.
Same goes for everyone. Saying loose weight or dress sexy is insulting, I am a mother of two I have been pregnant the past two years. I am not heavy set but I do weigh more than before I had children. I feel this is how shallow men feel. My man hates heavy make up and sexy clothes. He is far more into me dressing casual or even sporty.
It all comes down to the same thing pleasing your man. Being healthy is far more important than being thin and no they are not the same thing. At least not to me. It feels shallow after a while. However, I am not sure young girls will understand it cause this is something that comes with experience in life.
Wish I had read this 10 years ago, it would have made my life considerably easier then ;-. Wow you hit the hammer on the nail. Gotta up my market value. Than for this article. I think the article vividly points out why most of my female friends have one failure after another in relationship, and they always end up in the same way: Most of the women devalue themselves without knowing it, and they rarely think about what they can offer in a relationship.
The sex, the looks both can encourage relationships, but neither can keep men or sustain relationships. Dear Eric, I have been reading your articles and you keep saying, wear makeup and be feminine.
I used to wear makeup but recently, there has been such a hype going around that men like women with no makeup at all. Apparently they think when you put makeup on, either you are hiding something or trying too hard, which comes off as a turn off.
I used to love wearing makeup but now I hardly wear any, im scared that men will think im trying too hard. And I know how much is too much, I just like enhancing my best features. So my question to you is what makeup look do you think is sexy, playful, nice?
Do you think women are trying too hard when they put makeup on? How much would be too much in your opinion? Thank you, I just read like 5 of your blogs back-to-back and this one had the most impact—super helpful.
I think the part about what men want and what they want in women helped me the most. I work with Prince Roku and he and I had been eye balling each other for quite some time until one day he just popped in my office, made small talk and asked me out on a date.
Nothing ended in a bad way or anything, we are just both in the midst of a crazy busy season at work. Any concrete examples would be appreciated. This website is pure science. I enjoyed this article. I am certain I would not have sex with him until I decide it is best. I am willing to take a step back and approach him more as a friend although I have already romanticized with him.
I understand his desires, attraction to me and faults. I support him completely. I do understand that I need to give him time to miss me but I feel I understand my motivations for being with him and as I said before those are all positive reasons. If he has won me and I support him, have made him feel like a winner and understand his desires…is it ok to approach him as a friend?
I have a problem with my boyfrnd. I give him my time even wen he was sick I took care of him. Honey you need to take care of you! I know how being pregnant with a non committed man feels and you are too good for that and not only that you have bigger things to worry about.
Conga durations and I wish you the best! Hey Eric, I founf ur article relevant in my current situation. Youre saying here that i shud date other guys or go out with other guys to make him feel that anytime alot of guys will snatched me if he will not do his part to take me his own. My question is what if i go out with other guys and he knew it then well tou guys think to date other women to make it fair enough?
Its like you guys will think that if us gurls can go out with others guys why cant u also do it? Your article is so special and love every word of it! I believe it will definitely help me out and do you sell books I can buy and I feel finally I got the point.
I guess the articles you write and the advice you have in each one of them is just better than probably any of those relationship and dating website.!
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