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There is something faintly ridiculous about their complaints, and I fully understand why Twitter is full of people laughing at them. But perhaps instead of laughing at these men or maybe as well as… we should address the true reasons that these men are struggling to find someone to love.
They do like them. Lots of women, for instance, like sex. They might even make the first move. Women get to choose what they wear, what they drink, where they go and what they do.
I can entirely understand how a man who had been out of the dating game for decades might be shocked by how the liberation of women has changed their behaviours. We often go to public houses unaccompanied these days, and some young ladies are even venturing outside without their hats and gloves.
Which is exactly why some men get defensive on a date. Being afraid that someone you quite like will knock you back can lead to problems. Difficult as it is, try to open up and relax. A woman is not going to reject you for fun or for her own sick gratification. Women are not witches. Chalk it up to experience and move on. No one wants to hear this, but here it is. Some people have unrealistic expectations.
Men often accuse women of this fault, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that. Men who really want to meet a woman to spend the rest of their life with might want to think about widening their perimeters or upping their own game.
It might not be your fault. You might not be a low-level sexist who thinks women are decorative and sweet and gets annoyed when they want sex. People of both genders can be dicks. There are trash men in the world, and trash women.
Sadly, dating seems to bring those people out of the woodwork. OkCupid bans white supremacist looking for love on its dating site.
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Chalk it up to experience and move on. No one wants to hear this, but here it is. Some people have unrealistic expectations. Men often accuse women of this fault, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that. Men who really want to meet a woman to spend the rest of their life with might want to think about widening their perimeters or upping their own game.
It might not be your fault. You might not be a low-level sexist who thinks women are decorative and sweet and gets annoyed when they want sex. People of both genders can be dicks. This kind of thinking is antithetical to the expansive quality of great friendships, which may not be romantic, but are no less important for it.
Any successful and enduring male-female friendship is a tiny rebellion of sorts against anachronistic notions of uncontrollable male desire and the female sirens that lure and distract them. By subjecting the hazing victim to degrading acts and enforcing vileness towards women, the university bullies are demanding the forfeit of softness, of individuality and decency. A threshold is crossed, and the boy becomes a man, which in this case is to say a feelingless drone.
Is it any surprise then that some men see women as either mothers or sex partners? That in their minds womanhood is made up of two distinct and mutually exclusive categories of Madonna and whore? We need men and women to seek out and maintain these friendships more than ever, not draw ridiculous lines in the sand that they promise never, ever to cross.
This is not to say that women and men are the same. I want a woman who is feminine yet strong -- not in a masculine way -- but a woman who radiates quiet strength, wisdom, insight, love and compassion.
Someone who gives as much as she gets. A woman I can be myself around. Simply put, I just want someone who I am attracted to, who I have fun with, who gets along with my friends and family and that is not a constant pain in the ass. If you need something, call or text, but if I am golfing with my friends and you call and it is not an emergency, please don't expect me to be excited that you called or surprised that my phone is off.
If we are just hanging out and watching TV and you get a call, get up and take the call in another room if it going to be more than a minute or two. I promise to do the same for you.
There is nothing worse than being asked for advice and then having your girlfriend get mad because you gave them an honest answer that they did not like. It is okay to be mad, but at some point please tell me why you are mad so I can either fix it or not repeat whatever I did to make you mad. For a man, the basics in a relationship involve, first and foremost, character.
A man wants a woman who is trustworthy to a fault, utterly responsible and reliable and totally loyal. Men are creatures of habit.
They thrive on routines. If their lives are well-organized and predictable, they will be content. Men do not like disruptions. They do not want relationships filled with drama and conflict and surprises.
If that is what a woman is offering they will start looking elsewhere. Men do not like to be criticized. They do not like their relationship to feel like therapy. They do not want to think that they are not good enough or that a woman is trying to make them over.
If a man does not have many good qualities that you can praise and admire, what is a woman doing with him? Most men would like to be married and to have a home and a family.
They will normally be very appreciative of a woman who is willing to make a home for them. I am sure that I am revealing my age, but most men, even young men, are thrilled to find a woman who knows how to cook not gourmet quality meals, men don't care about gourmet food-- but who can competently put a meal on the table with some consistency.
They are very happy when a woman is willing to show her love by caring for them. If they are decent and honorable human beings, men will show their appreciation in many ways, large and small. A man who shows no appreciation for a woman's efforts in the relationship is not worth keeping. Thus far, I have left sex out of the equation. A woman who wants to have a long-term relationship leading to marriage and family would do better to place character strengths ahead of sexual skills.
To the male mind, a woman who is offers wonderful love and great sex but refuses to make a home is a concubine, not a wife. There's nothing better than knowing that your woman has your back and is there for you when times get tough. For me, her appearance that she enjoys herself should reflect my image well. My high school Earth Science teacher gave me this little tidbit my freshman year: My own take on it: Men want a woman who can pass the "tent test.
If so, you're in good shape. What I want is the authentic woman. Almost any woman can become the ideal culture stereotype of what Hollywood told me was desirable just as guys can work toward becoming the alpha male. But it is the actual person underneath that heavy role that I seek -- the human being. If I wanted the act, there are plenty who are willing to play it. But no one can play the authentic woman.
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